how to build sexual confidence 29 Feb 2016
How to Build Sexual Confidence

BY: Dr. Laura Louis

Blog / Sex

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How to build sexual confidence – confidence is your best assessor. It is not a new outfit, or changing your hair. There is nothing more attractive than confidence. For ladies, one way to increase your sexual confidence is by taking an exotic moves class. You might consider taking a pole dancing class. After you get the dance routine down, practice it with your spouse. Have fun with it. Practicing being naked together. It is very important that you feel comfortable being vulnerable with your spouse. One way to practice feeling comfortable with your spouse, is to be around each other without clothes on. Practice being naked and not ashamed. Over time, it will build you sexual confidence.

Keys to Staying Sexually Connected Then Apart

  • Phone apps – there are many times when you have to be away from your spouse. It is important to prioritize staying connected during the times when you are apart. In today’s there are many phone apps like SnapChat, and Facebook that facilitate this. Through the app Snap chat, you have the option to show your spouse a picture of you for 5-10 seconds. Take an exotic photo shoot. Show them a quick photo of you in an erotic pose. After this time, they will not be able to see the picture anymore .
  • Sexting – sexting is another great way to stay connected when you are way from each other. You can send your partner text messages of things you want to do to them when they get home.


  • “ I cant wait to suck/lick your____ when I see you.
  • “I am so hot for your baby”.
  • My____ is hard for your baby
  • I am so wet for you big papa.

Consider all the thoughts that come to mind at that moment of sexual intimacy, and share it with them over the phone. The activities below will help both you and your partner build
sexual confidence.

  • Calling each night to Skype or face time
  • Text messages touch on one layer of intimacy, but video chatting through common apps like face time and Skype you are able to see a visual image. This takes intimacy to another level when you can physically see each other. This platform will allow you to connect more intimately, because even though you may be physically distant from each other, the video image will allow for you show how much you desire your spouse through words, images and instant streaming.
  • Letters. This may be old fashion to some people, however there is something exciting about holding a physical hand written by your lover. You can mail it. Hide the letter is different places in the house. One wife I know, put letters in her spouse’s shoe and luggage. The husband would take long trips, so when he reached is destination he found love notes from his spouse. The notes could range from erotic to love words. You might tell your spouse all the things that you love about him or her.

The Best Sex You Ever Had in 15 Minutes

Make use of short spans of time. For couples, where both partners work, or with small children you may find that it is hard to find time for intimacy. I would encourage you to make use of small pockets of time. You may want to have a quikie in the morning. Quikie are defined as short 5-10 minutes span of time that allows for spontaneous sexual intimacy. This is not the only way that I suggest connecting, however for couples who are busy this is one way that you can connect along with planning other times for longer sessions.

Attend to your partners erogenous zones. Everyone has unique areas of their body they stimulates pleasure. It may be behind your ears, your lower back, your breast, penis, vagina, or even your hands. I had one client who was quadriplegic and her erogenous zone was her eyebrows. The fact is that you have know what your erogenous zones and communicate that to your partner. You are most likely to experience sexual pleasure when you know what pleases you and you communicate to your spouse.

Related: All Day Foreplay – Preparing the Mind and Body for Sex

For many couples, that I work with in counseling, I have them do a body mapping exercises. In this exercise they draw an image, and one a scale from 1-5 they rank the areas that they would like their partner to attend to sexually. Then, they label kiss, massage or caress. They would put an X on areas that they do not want to be touched in.

It is important that you have fun together. You should explore what brings each other pleasure. Consequently, when you are in a position to have A “QUICKIE” you can make sure that you are attentive to those erotic areas that give your spouse the most pleasure .

I hope the tips above will help you increase your intimacy with your partner and help you build more sexual confidence in the bedroom!

Dr. Laura Louis is a Licensed Psychologist/Therapist in the Atlanta, Georgia area. If you're near and would like to get some of her services, please contact her or make an appointment! You can also check my YouTube Channel for more great stuff.

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